Loss of Appetite- Slightly Thickened but not Firm
Thanksgiving is only a few days away. With the country in the state it's in, you may find it hard to think of things to give thanks for this year. So give thanks that the (seemingly) required jell-o salad on your Thanksgiving table (probably) WON'T be one of these dishes.
Summer is over but not forgotten. Apparently Mom ran out of serving dishes and is using a pool toy to serve fruit suspended in sour cream.
Does anyone eat aspic anymore? Does anyone under the age of 50 even know what it is? How is the taste of jell-o improved by adding tomato sauce to it? This dish is supposed to be served with mayonnaise. Red congealed stuff with a side of white congealed stuff. I wonder if it comes back up pink…
Here's a clever way to hide the veggies from the kids. Or appease your OCD child who only eats green things.
And finally- what to do with ALL those turkey leftovers? By day two you're sick of turkey, but there's still so much left that you don't want to waste. Solution? Suspend them in gelatin and preserve until next year! Think of the prep time (and money) you'll save next Thanksgiving by not having to make a WHOLE new turkey!
HAPPY THANKSGIVING FOLKS!!
Keep Calm and Drink On…
Here's my latest project to go up in the Etsy shop- fun, inexpensive, easy!
Inspired by the "Keep Calm and Carry On" prints that have appeared on all the design blogs (and are available from various Etsy sellers) and my belief in Wine Therapy, I created these cards-
As I explain in my Etsy posting-
"Work, the economy, the holidays, your family at the holidays…who couldn't use a drink?! Print off the whole set and start sending them! Even better, attach to a bottle of wine!! These cards are great for all occasions- a friend having a bad week at work, those folks you know who are watching their 401k evaporate faster than alcohol, your sister who was crazy enough to host the holiday meal this year, anyone who is braving the stores to do holiday shopping. Or you can just print and post for your own quiet reminder to keep calm during the stressful times. Have a drink. Relax. It'll all get better…"
They're available as a PDF file so you can print to your little heart's content (as long as you're not reselling them!) The single color PDF is a 2 page document with two 4 1/4 x 5 1/2 inch cards on one page and an A2 envelope template that fits the cards on the second page. They are available for $3.00 in one color (green, red, 2 shades of blue, or yellow) or get all of the colors for $4.50! There's no shipping costs either, so you get the file within 24 hours of payment (I take PayPal!)
PDF + Paper + Printer = Pretty cool and inexpensive cards!!
So click above on the color of your choice to purchase them and start printing some cheer!
A Journey of a 1000 miles begins with MY FIRST SALE!!
So I FINALLY sold my first item on Etsy !! It was a set of my Tree Flair that I wrote about the other day. They were sent off to their new home today, where they hopefully will have a long and joyful life, not to end up in yard sale or waste basket somewhere down the road!! I suppose I better get busy making another set- I didn't want to invest too much time into making a bunch of sets in case the interest wasn't there, but I will be replacing sets as they sell. SO COME AND GET 'EM!!
Pieces of Flair for Your Christmas Tree
The latest and greatest from my Etsy shop-
Here are the sets of Tree Flair I've created for my Etsy shop. So fab and priced right- only $14 for a set of three! Use them as tree flair, gift wrapping flair, or even Christmas sweater flair!!
First up we have-
Citrus Floral Tree Flair in bright colors, free hand quilted design, and frayed edges.
The Quilted Blue Christmas Tree Flair for those who want something a little more subtle and traditional.
And finally-
Tropical Blues Tree Flair. These are made from seashell and coral reef patterns, but tend to look more abstract when used for ornaments. PS- Are you loving the fact they're all hanging on a hibiscus tree? Yeah, that's how we roll in Flo-Rida!
So Click. Look. Buy. Flair. Love. 
Loss of Appetite- Betty Knows How to Please Her Man (Not for the easily offended)
You went out of town to visit your mother, leaving the husband to fend for himself, foraging for food and what not. Now that you're back, you want to make a special meal for him. Let's see what Betty's got cooking in her "Men's Favorites" section…
Mmm, mmm, manly… BROTH? Nothing makes your hubby feel like he's your big, strong stud than starting this Man Meal with a cup of reconstituted beef juice and a celery swizzle stick. Although it might tell him he needs to drop a few pounds. Oooohhhhh. Wait. I just got it. He's manly, he's a beefcake, you want his juices later on…dirty girl. I had no idea you had it in you.
Okay. I understand that if your intent for this evening is actually a night of nooky, you don't want to get all involved in dinner preparations, but really, how is this a recipe? Or manly for that matter? Slice tomatoes, lay on lettuce, pour on dressing. Your three-year-old could make this.
Wait. I'm so slow on the uptake. I get it now. You are signaling for your man to LAY you down and unDRESS you. I guess the lettuce part is optional or only for the adventurous.
I think I've got this suppertime seduction thing figured out now. This isn't some salad for dieters, and certainly not to help your husband lose that spare tire he's sporting. No, this is the ultimate in subtle seduction signals. You're going to tear off his clothes, like you tear up that lettuce. Strip for him like you strip that meat and cheese. Make him hard like a boiled egg. And tossing that salad? Betty does suggest on the back of the card that some men prefer the traditional oil and vinegar dressing with this. (I told you she was dirty!)
Kitschy does, in fact, mean crap hole
So here are the much delayed photos from the Vilano Beach Motel, a.k.a the Magic Beach Motel, a.k.a. the Vilano Beach Motel and Apartments. Yeah. You know what kind of folks rent there. Oh, Holy White Trash Hell! Let's take the tour, shall we? If you like what you see, it's for sale! (which explains a lot)
Kitschy? Yes. Funny? Most Definitely. At this point, I was still optimistic. We arrived at 10PM, so the place was lit up like a mini Vegas Strip. Quite amusing. Or so we thought…
This is the stairway up to our room. Apparently our room was in the 'apartment' building of the complex. Still not freaking out just yet.
This is the mural that greeted us upon entrance to our room. It just made me laugh with its array of colors. It's like an underwater scene from another planet with all its colors and mutant fish.
Here would be the mutant Tuna Sailfish and Dolphin/Shark hybrid. Note- in this 'kitschy' underwater rainbow world, ducks and cattails live on the sea floor(also known as the headboard.)
Here is where I start to worry. No, this isn't an optical illusion, the shower and the sink really are 12 inches apart. You didn't really need to pee, did you? Or turn around in the shower?
Apparently this bathroom was an ode to multi-tasking, as I could have peed and brushed my teeth at the same time. (This is me sitting on the potty, although I am not actually using the potty in this photo. That's just gross.)
Paint sample they were trying out in the bathroom. Light fixtures were, as yet, undecided as well, although energy conservation was a priority.
Their attempt at shabby (read- shitty) chic. Instead of buying curtains, they opted to repurpose a blanket into two 'curtain' panels. The 'curtains' were tied in the middle with string to give them some style, although we untied them to give a bit more privacy. They also chose to keep the bamboo shades even though there was no string to pull them up, begging the question, "Can you really sell this room as 'Ocean View' when no one can see out the window?
Oh, wait. You just have to pull back and hold the entire shade, then you can enjoy your ocean view. Perhaps you wanted to smell the ocean air too. Here's a hole in your window for you to breathe it in and enjoy.
This picture was taken the morning after we arrived (and 20 minutes before we vacated.) When we arrived in this room, the plexiglass panel was still sealed over the hole in the window. This lasted until 2AM. At 2AM we were suddenly awoken by the a-holes next door blasting horrible 80s rock from some loser band that probably peaked in 1987 when they opened for Slayer during the Florida leg of their tour. At 2AM some tool from next door decided to go out on the wraparound porch that was outside our window to smoke. At 2AM I watched through the bamboo shade as this dumbass went from standing along the railing to walking up to our window, pushing out the plexiglass, sticking his hand into our room, then walking away. For what purpose, I have no idea. I was completely freaked out by this point and did not go back to sleep for the next two hours. I had debated whether to vacate at that moment, but didn't want to run into these freaks outside our door. So we stayed inside with the hole in the window and hoped the freaks next door weren't hopped up on a fresh batch of meth, preparing to kick in the door to our room.
Not that kicking it in would have been difficult. It was a HOLLOW interior door which was rotting along the bottom!! My nine month old could have kicked it in!
This is the view from the Hampton Inn across the street. This would be where we escaped to the next day. The really amazing part- the difference in price for the Vilano Beach Shit Hole-tel and breakfast at Village Inn versus a room at the Hampton Inn with free in-house hot breakfast bar and fluffy white robes to chill in was only THIRTY dollars!! How is it that Shangri La could be a mere 50 yards away from this hell hole? Oh, did you notice that they also have a sign calling themselves the Vilano Beach RESORT?! Look closely, it's right next to the streetside swimming pool. UgH! Lesson learned- no more kitschy crap for me!
